Last night on my way into bed, far too late as usual, I took my normal detour to the girls room to plant a quick kiss on each of them.
The girls have a bunk bed and, unable to decide which of them should sleep up and which down, they take turns. So oligarchical of them, isn't it? Anyway, tucking them in last night, they were so cuddled in together that they decided they would both sleep down together. It is a double bed on the bottom, so there's tons of room. I was sort of warmed by their tenderness so I gave in...even though their closer proximity resulted in prolonged whispering and a later bedtime.
So on my way up, when I sneaked in to snuggle...I had a strange sensation. I gathered someone up in my arms but it was so dark, I didn't know who I had wrapped my arms around. They are such a similar size these days, those two growing girls, that I couldn't tell. The point is, it didn't matter. A strong feeling swept through me that though my two daughters are different people (really quite different), they are both an equal part of me. The toasty warm, sleepy body I cradled was both of them...and me too, somehow. In the darkness, we were all one. Strangely, listening to a strong heart beating in a little chest and not knowing whose it was made it feel like it was all of ours...shared. It was perfect.