She and I have a ritual when we are in Point Roberts and I get up early to write in the shed. She sneaks out of the house as soon as she wakes up and she walks across the yard to open the shed door. I take a break and we cuddle on the futon. And we talk.
These are wonderful moments. We talk about things that normally don't get discussed. The days are so busy with all our comings and goings. There are always shoes to be put on, messes to clean up and food to be prepared. Never enough time for heartfelt talks. The kind that takes a few minutes to warm up into.
We lay side by side on the futon and I ask her how things are going. Since school has started, this question is always met with discussion about how long school lasts.
This morning, with tears in her eyes, she informed me that it felt like this was her schedule forever. Well not quite forever...
"It will be like that until I get out of school. Then, I have so many things to worry about. I have to figure out how to pay for a house to live in and I need to find my job. Will I get married...but who? I will have kids to take care of too. It just gets more and more busy...when do I get to be with you?"
Right. That is a tough one to refute. Life is pretty much a bunch of school, then a pile of concerns. And it kinda of broke my heart that she was more or less right. Sure, I told her the regular stuff about how we'd have summers and spring breaks. I even told her that I would help her with all those worrying things like bills and housing issues (?!). But inside, I was sad.
She and I have passed by the long, rambling days of mother and preschool-aged kid. We'll replace it with other gifts that time presents, things like honest conversations and a true relationship with one another, more as equals. But she's right. It isn't quite the same.
So much for "kid" worries. I think she might be more worked up about life concerns than I am...
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